Aerobics Got A Bit Dirty Today


Today I had quite the interesting experience in my aerobics class. First, let me explain so I can keep my man card. I lift weights 5 days a week early in the morning. I go very hard; beast mode and all that. I have started taking advantage of the 9am classes at my gym in hopes to amp up my cardio to lose some weight. Don’t get it confused, these aren’t sissy classes. I take body blast, spinning, and rock bottom. I promise you it’s no joke.

On to today. You first must understand the make up of the class. Being that’s its a 9am Monday-Friday class, its largely made up of either younger moms or old ladies. They are all troopers and in unreal shape. Not only am I the youngest person in the class, I’m usually the only male. There is another very friendly gentleman that has shown up but he’s in the 60-65 range. The main point is that I really stick out, particularly trying to keep up with the choreography of the class.

Most of the ladies show up right from home to the class. I get there at least an hour earlier to lift. In short, my bodily functions are fully in control. I always set up my area all the way to the side, out of the way of the hard core folks so my regular missteps won’t bother the others. My side is apparently the senior citizen woman corner. All the woman around me are 60 at the youngest.

Today we did our normal warmup of about 5 minutes and the class was just getting rolling when I noticed it. A putrid, sour aroma drifted into my nostrils. It was amazing because it doesn’t seem that a senior citizen’s body weighing so little could generate an odor of that strength. It was the kind that if you were in a room full of buddies, you would be very proud as they scurry for cover from the stench. It got to the point where all the women within 10 feet starting looking around and rolling their eyes.

There was only 1 problem. They were all looking at me! Every woman in the class was judging me with the eyes of an angry wife. They were looking at me like I was disgusting. I couldn’t muster the internal strength to blame it on one of the elderly woman around me. There was nothing I wanted to do more than implicate the grandmothers and clear my good name. I ended up ignoring it and just focusing on the workout.

What was I supposed to do? I’m the jerk either way. I blame the older ladies, I’m a jerk for calling out a grandma and embarrassing them. I’m only in my 2nd week in the class and there is no doubt the woman think I’m “the gross farting guy”. I took the high road this time but I promise that if this becomes a regular issue, I’m outing the sour stomach old ladies.

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